What I am about to read to you is something that I wrote the evening before Brian passed away. I was up late. All my kids were asleep. I sat in the dark with my laptop in the quiet and I wrote about my Uncle.

 

Tonight as I sit here in Iowa, my Uncle Brian is in Missouri being called home. I feel helpless. I wish I could be with him. I wish I could sit beside him and sing to him. My Uncle Brian was my very first crush. He was the most handsome, sweet, gentle, funny, talented man I had ever had the pleasure of knowing. What is a first crush when you are 8? I am not sure, but I know I had one. I am always so proud to tell people I grew up in a musical family. Having music all around me all of my life has been such a wonderful gift, and Brain was always at the center. When I was growing up, whenever our family got together for Thanksgiving, Christmas or the 4th of July at Grandma and Grandpa Harman's, Brian was there with his guitar. I looked forward to sitting on the floor in front of him and watching his fingers strum, listening to his soulful voice which was always so soothing to me. There is nothing more special than having your own personal concert when you are a child, and as children growing up with Uncle Brian, we had many concerts.

 

Random snipets of memories flood me. How he slurped his cereal, leaving milk on his moustache, how when I hugged him, he always smelled so good, when I saw him for the first time after being away, he would smile and say, “Dawnie!”

 

I was a flower girl only once, and it was when he married my Aunt Ann. My sister and I were so excited to be flower girls even though we weren't really sure what we were supposed to do. Ann looked so beautiful and Brian was so handsome. A Prince and Princess in our little eyes. My sister, Taera, and I loved them both so much. We were smitten with both of them. I actually had to call my sister and confirm this crazy bit of information because I truly thought I had my facts wrong. I asked her on the phone, “Taera, do you remember, did we spend the night with Ann and Brian on their wedding night?” She laughed and said, “Yep AND Brian made us animal pancakes in the morning.” How we managed to bat our eyelashes enough for that to happen, I will never know. Well, now that I am married, I get it, but still.

 

Anytime as a child, when I heard guitar on the radio, I would always say, “That sounds like Uncle Brian.” As I got older, I would listen to KCCK, and they would have smooth jazz Sundays. A George Benson tune would come on and I would still say to myself, “That sounds like Uncle Brian.” It was never, “Uncle Brian sounds like George Benson.” It was ALWAYS “George Benson sounds like Uncle Brian.” Why? Because I heard Uncle Brian first, so to me, HE was the famous one.

 

Years ago, I was elated to learn that I would be singing a duet with Brian at one of The Stomper's Reunions. It is still one of the sweetest memories I have of us. The song was “Reunited” by Peaches and Herb. Neither one of us knew the words by heart (because the Stompers never practiced) so he had his music stand with the lyrics in front of us, and we took turns singing the verses. We sounded pretty darn good. At the end, we even improvised a bit. It was one of those moments that will forever be etched within me. I am not sure he ever knew how much that meant to me, singing a duet with my famous Uncle, my very first crush.

 

I went to hear Brian at The Sanctuary over the 4th of July one year in Iowa City. He played to a packed house, and I had a hard time finding a table. I remember being so proud to be his niece that night as I listened to him play. He always made it look so effortless. Now, thanks to social media, I can watch Brian's eldest son Jeremy with Sirius Quartet travel the globe. Jeremy, too, makes it look absolutely effortless.

 

It was always fun to see Brian if it had been awhile because he would say, “Dawnie, have you heard this group?” He handed me a tape or a CD on one of his trips back to Iowa City and it was an acapella group called Take 6. “Spread Love” was one of my favorite songs, and still makes me think of him. When I found out Brian was in the hospital, I posted the song “Spread Love” on Facebook with no explanation. I got one LIKE and one LOVE. The LIKE was from my Mom, because she likes all my posts, but the LOVE came from my cousin, Nathan, Brian's youngest son. That made me smile. Nathan got it. He understood. That was one thing about being raised in a family like mine that was both amazing and maddening. I found out pretty quickly that my musical tastes were NOTHING like any of my friends. Nothing. From the moment of my birth, I was listening to Earth, Wind and Fire, The Temptations, Aretha Franklin, The Spinners, Ohio Players, The Manhattans, Al Green, Donny Hathaway, Lou Rawls, Bill Withers, Luther Vandross, Barry White, Michael Jackson, Tower Of Power.....I could go on and on.I felt like Naven Johnson from movie The Jerk. There were not many girls in my rural Iowa town of Mt. Vernon with my musical tastes. Actually, there weren't any. Well, there was one, my sister, Taera. She and I would joke when we would go hear live music together. First, we had to be lucky enough to find a band that wasn't country or hard rock. So, if an Earth Wind and Fire cover erupted from the stage, we would scream, and the majority of the bar would continue to talk, drink, eat. My sister and I would look at each other and say, “What is WRONG with these people?” Can't they feel that? That is exactly what it is, a feeling deep down my in heart, deep down in my soul. It takes over, and I must dance with pure joy. It's beyond my control. So, during a visit to Kansas City when Brian said, “Hey, I am going to take you and Taera to hear a band tonight and you guys are gonna love them,” We knew it was gonna be good. When he finally showed up......... my sister and I followed him to downtown Kansas City. I think Brian forgot we had no idea where we were going because he was weaving in and out of traffic like a ninja, and I was just trying not to lose him. When we got to the bar, we could hear the bass bumping from inside as we got closer to the door. It was a warm summer night. I could feel the adrenaline, I could barely contain my excitement. We got inside..... the band was a mix of funk and R&B, and we knew every song. Brian glanced over at my sister and I with a big smile that said, “ Can you feel that?” He got it. He felt the music the same way we felt it. It moved him the same way it moved us, and we danced all night long.

 

Besides having wonderful memories being surrounded by music, I also have wonderful memories of being surrounded by FOOD. Family get togethers at Grandma and Grandpas had an abundance of both. I have always been so surprised that non of us became a chef or a professional food blogger. Our family knows food. My children, especially my son Eli, have inherited this incredible love for eating out. My Dad, Sister and I were at my Grandparents in Independence, and we were sitting at their little table. I reacall Grandma saying, “We don't have much until we get to the store, but I will make you something.” Grandma Harman could take a bowl of water and a couple of spices, and find a way to make a decadant soup. She was very talented and resourceful. That particular day she wanted to make us a snack just to tie us over because soon we were all going to have what I like to refer to as the epic “GOING OUT TO DINNER CONVERSATION” This was an extremely serious conversation that listed all the fantastic restaurants in the Kansas City/Independence area, and then there was a sub list of the ones that were new since our last visit. So, it took awhile. So, Grandma began to spin her magic in the kitchen while we sat and talked. What she brought us looked simple, but it never was. She set before us a bowl of graham crackers and a dip. That was it. I remember my Dad took a bite of the graham cracker with the dip and he shook his head and laughed. He looked at me and said, “How does she DO that?” It was a cream cheese dip with what I would guess was powdered sugar, but she never stopped there. Then we began a discussion. Is that almond extract or vanilla? Is that orange or lemon? It always tasted amazing, and maybe it was just because it was Grandma making it. Whatever she did, it was good, and it did tie us over until the “going out to dinner conversation”. So, once this epic conversation took place and we finally did decide on a restaurant, then we had to choose a TIME. Once we agreed on a time, someone would inevitably say, “Okay, so we will meet at the restaurant at 12:30. Tell Brian we are meeting at NOON.” We always managed to get there, Brian included, and when that happened, hehad hugs for those of us he hadn't seen in awhile and again, he smelled so good. We may have the “great food conversation” even later today, but it won't be the same. We will be missing some very beautiful people, and I never thought I would say this, but I will miss waiting for my Uncle.

 

It was this Christmas, that something was nagging at me. It was a sadness, a longing that I had felt in the past, but not as strong. I was missing Brian and my family in Kansas City. I was missing Christmases past where we used to all be together. I missed his little concerts. Those times were so much more simple. I wanted to sing to him. I wanted to let him know I still loved him and I missed him. So, I made a silly video dressed like an Elf (because Brian had a great sense of humor), The video was entitled “Dawn The Middle-Aged Elf Serenades The Harmans”and I sent it to my Aunt Ann. I sang him a George Benson song. I needed to do it, and now I know why.

 

I sit here writing this with tears in my eyes because another part of my life is coming to an end. I must once again re-invent myself. Another person who I love dearly is leaving this earth. I want to hear him play one more time. I want to hear him sing one more song. I want to hear him slurp his cereal. I want to turn back that cruel clock that took away his ability to play guitar.

 

I love you Uncle Brian. I will miss you so very much. Thank you for bringing me here, for bringing all of us together, and for making us STOP and just feel. When my day comes to be called home and we see each other again, besides giggling through “Eddie Coochy Catchie” (which you NEVER did get right) and “Miss Mary Mack”, you and I can sing another duet. We will sing the same sweet song we sang together so many years ago, “Reunited, and it feels so good. Reunited cause we understood. There's one perfect fit and sugar this one is it. We both are so excited, cause we're reunited. Hey, Heeeeey.”

 

 

                                                        Love, Dawnie